I’m an iPhone user, and after years of the same ol’ emojis, Apple has really stepped up its game by adding a completely new set, including everyone’s new favorite: the Taco.
I know I ask for a lot, but honestly, it’s both physically and emotionally draining when I can’t find the perfect emojis. I’m not going to wait another five-ever for the next release of oh-so-relevant little virtual stickers. Emoji additions should be done every year – heck, it would be every 6 months if it were me running the emoji department.
So I’m requesting 5 kinds of emojis that I absolutely need in 2016
MORE PENIS SHAPED EMOJIS
Let’s just cut to the chase. We all want and need more penis shaped emojis. As I continue my sexual exploration, I realized that the eggplant, banana and hot dog can only do so much and are only representative of so many kinds of penises… what if I’m trying to convey a curve down penis? The best thing I can do is the hot pepper, and that’s absolutely unacceptable. What I want and what I need vary depending on time, mood, weather, etc. so I need to make sure there’s the perfect penis emoji for every occasion.
More Ethnic Food Emojis
I know, I know – there are tacos, burritos, curry rice, and all that. But can we be real for a hot second? That taco emoji is definitely a hard shell taco… where are my soft shell tacos?! Let’s get some authentic ethnic food up in here.
More Animal Emojis Facing All Directions
Ever wondered why all the animal emojis are either front facing you or to the left? How the hell am I supposed to do portray the Cupid Shuffle if I don’t have animals facing all sides?! – to the Left, to the Left, to the right, to the right…
Why is Jesus Not Yet an Emoji?!
I know I’m not the best Christian, but I still need to look for my Main Man, my OB (Original Bae) every once in a while. And to be religion-conscious, can’t we just have an emoji for all the religious figures already?!
More Mythical Animal Emojis
unicorn and centaur. ‘nuf said. #UnicornsRReal.
A FEMINIST, who wants to eventually be an amazing soccer mom with flexible work hours. A CONSULTANT, who is thirsty for flight status and hangry for hotel cookies. A DOG LOVER, who plans to own a German Sheppard, Oreo, and a Golden Retriever, Cheerio. A PROUD TECHIE, who doesn’t enjoy coding. A SELF PROCLAIMED PRACTICAL OPTIMIST, who struggles with the difficult act of staying positive while battling with depression. #PositiveAttitudes