I know, I know – menstrual cups are the kale of the female hygienic world, the bloody green detox smoothie of the period, and they sound about as appealing as, well, either of those.
But ladies. Ladies, ladies, ladies – I have never, ever been so free and lazy on my period as I am now. And coming from the potato queen of getting out of bed in the morning to take a nap on the sofa, that means a lot. So let me take you on a ~magic carpet ride~ and tell you all the wonderful things I experienced while using a menstrual cup on my period (as told by gifs).
1. I saved so much money
The typical menstrual cupscosts around $15 – $30 and is reusable for anywhere from one to ten years. Years. I used to use a box of $15 dollar tampons for every cycle I got because my heavy flow was a hellbent Mother Nature determined to make me suffer. So let’s do some math:
Those of us born with uteruses have a fertile time period of roughly 40 years, from, let’s say 15 until 55. Not counting pregnancies or health complications, that’s 480 total months of bleeding. The monthly cost of $15 tampons per menstrual cycle adds up to a lifetime cost of $7,200, and bruh, I ain’t got that kind of money. Even just using a menstrual cup for a year will save you at the very least $150, which, let’s be honest, is an extra $150 we could all use.
2. I was actually comfortable for the entire week
Unless you have the flow of the Niagara Falls, you have ten full hours to change your menstrual cup – ten hours of no leaking, no blood stains, no strings up your buttcrack, and no butt rashes. I, as well as many other women who sing their praises, can’t even feel the menstrual cup when I’m wearing it. YOU CAN’T FEEL IT. It seriously doesn’t get better than that, and I have never been able to be lazier in my goddamn LIFE.
3. Let me repeat: you change it every TEN HOURS
I’m so lazy. I love this so much.
4. Tampons and pads suck
Ancient Greek philosopher Socrates devoted his entire adult life to uncovering at least one real, solid, indisputable truth. Well, here’s a truth: tampons and pads seriously suck.
Some people get squeamish about inserting and taking out a menstrual cup (especially about dumping the blood), but for some reason have absolutely no issue with absorbing their bleeding uterine lining in a cotton vaginal butt plug and/or adult diaper.
5. No, like seriously.
Bloody diaper rashes? Nooo thank you. Pads with skinny jeans? Impossible.
Also, all the chemical infused cotton you shove up your vag? News flash: it’s really not good for you. Toxic Shock Syndrome is linked to the presence of Staphylococcus aureus, a bacteria found in the synthetic fibers of factory produced tampons. Your vaginal mucus can absorb toxins contained by cotton tampons, and lead those toxins directly to the blood stream.
6. No leakage? No problem.
Menstrual cups work by creating a seal inside your vagina, so whether you’re trying real hard not to wake up to Japan’s flag or just not a fan of, you know, blood spilling from your nether regions, you’re covered.
7. PEEING/ POOPING
And you know what’s super great about that vacuum your menstrual cup creates? Whether you go #1 or #2, you won’t push out your tampon, or pee on the string, or have to deal with that super gross feeling of wearing a pad with blood on it but not having an extra to change into, which results in you dealing with the feeling of cold, weird uterine blood on your bARE SKIN.
8. Shorter periods, less cramps
I can’t explain this, but it does seem to be a reoccurring theme among those of us who do use menstrual cups – my period went from a regular week and a half to maybe three or four days, and my cramps were blissfully manageable.
Welcome to a world of enlightenment, my friends. Feeling lost? No worries – Mental Scoops has you covered. Some of our favorites (going from lowest to highest price) include this Blossom Cups for Menstrual , Diva Cup, this one by Lena. Now go forth, and find your own magical little cup.
Do you use menstrual cups? Do you like them? Tell us in the comments down below 🙂
Author: Eunju Pak
Avid fan of dogs, dim sum, and petting dogs while eating dim sum.